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- twenty-oh-seven -
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Thursday, December 27, 2007
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2007 has been a whirwind of misadventures for me. The year started feeling all blissful thinking it'll be that way through out the year but I was wrong. First part of the year , I was independent. Got my own apartment and work was just doing fine until my manager decided to close down his office by late January. I wanted to kill the guy but the thing here is fellow colleague of his absorbed us to work with them. It was a month of traveling going to Charlotte, Atlanta, Birmingham, Greensboro until we settled back to our own city by March.
My new manager is a bitch! She was never considerate about her employees that made most of us quit the job (including me). It was May when I quit and a friend asked me if I want a new start and of course I said yes so he asked me to move to Phoenix,AZ. I thought it was just a friendly antic cause I even had a free cruise to the Bahamas before I went to AZ but when I met him, gosh he just said that he likes me and that wants me to be his girl and I was like that will never happen cause I only see him as an older brother and never in that page.
I went back to SC (after 2 days of stay there) and moved in with my parents again. They didn't complain and I apologize for all the wrong doings I've done to them. I was just being easy with my life and just focused on getting back on track. I've dated some guys but didn't find the one I would get serious with. I had a few "possibly be" bf potentials but maybe I wasn't ready for a serious relationship that's why I just had to back off.
Traveled well this year also. Went to places and on my last stop that's where I met someone that I'm praying will be "the one". We'll see how it goes cause I ain't wishing and assuming no more. I had enough of those.
I am doing alright now. New car, new job, new man..
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- I ask myself... -
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Thursday, October 18, 2007
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Why do I refuse to learn from my mistakes? I keep getting myself in the same situation though even beforehand I know exactly the outcome of my doings..
Why do I neglect the things I need over the things I want?
Why did I allow myself to fall for you?
Why am I crying right now knowing that I know exactly that this is not going to work out?
I HATE THIS..
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- FREE SHERCONE -
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Friday, September 28, 2007
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Shercone is a guy I met a few months ago. I met him on a website and somehow our intellectual talks turned out to be a constant chat then moved to phonecalls. It was nothing too serious. The idea of dating didn't even occur to us it is just that conversation we always have that made me curious about this guy. I call him a player cause I have to admit the guy got things to offer from his physique to his brains. We planned on meeting just for the heck of seeing each other in person but it never happened. He didn't reach college (and so is the rest of America's population) but he got a lot of things to say. I always beat him on word racer (it's a yahoo game) and that disappoints him cause English is not my first language and it's the only lingo he knows.. I always shove that to his face so he'll get more irritated.
I see him on cam every once in awhile and he always got this serious look on his face. You can see that he got a lot of things going on in his life. I never asked anything personal like that until that day we had this long conversation wherein he told me almost everything about him. His past life, his street life, his past relationships, his family.. almost everything. I said the same thing but my life was too boring compared to his. That's when I felt that this guy had gone through a lot of things but still he's kicking it.
That night also when we had that talk, he told me something that made me burst to tears. He said he can be put to jail (it's not murder nor rape.. I'll just have to keep it to myself) with something that he didn't really do. I cried and I'm not even sure why.. It maybe cause I felt his fear and pain. I feel that he's innocent of the crime being alleged to him. I don't know the real deal but I just feel it.
Since early this month I have noticed that he hasn't been online that much and if he does, he ignores me. I don't know what's up with that until last week and I got a call from his brother saying the bad news. He's locked up now. I was in awe.. Then I get to talk to him on three way and oh my, I cried again.. He asked for my address so that he can write me and I did asked for the same thing from him.
I received his letter today and I didn't read it immediately till 30 mins ago. I wrote him back first and I was so emotional while I was doing it. Then I just made some jokes in their to maybe help him calm down. I told him everything that had happened about me even my crush I narrated it there.. Just everything since I consider him now to be one of my closest friend..
I read his letter and I can just imagine what kind of pain he is in right now.. Jail is not the most idealistic place to be but I guess he's handling his situation well. Again, I got teary eyed. He was telling me all the things he has been doing the entire time he was there. He got some good news though and I hope it'll continue to be that way.. and OH MY GOSH! He mentioned J. Holiday's song and that is just my favorite!
I MISS YOU BRO! Keep your head up! Everything will be alright.. I'll pray for you..
FREE SHERCONE!
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- when do u say enough is enough? -
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Tuesday, September 25, 2007
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I said that a hundred times already and gosh I kept on coming back to him. I've evaluated myself from time to time asking the same question but i just seem to forget about it when he starts talking to me again. You know after being ignored then here he comes talking to me as if nothing happened.. damn.. It it so hard not to submit..
But really, when do one say enough is enough? I asked a few people and they told me the same thing.. When the time comes that you heart and mind just gave up on the thought that you're just being stupid, that's when u say ENOUGH.... TRUE! I agree.. And I feel that way right now. But some parts of me won't quit hoping that there maybe a chance.. STUPIDDDDDDD!
In less than two weeks, I'll be able see him..
Am I nervous? Yes
Am I worried? Yes
Am I excited? Yes
Nervous because he might not like me in person. Worried because it might not end up the way I want it (which is another story). Excited because I'll be able to spend time and get to know him better.
He asked me one question.. How can you be IN love with somebody you don't know? I answered Love is not really about knowing every bit about your partner. It is accepting who he/she is for whoever they are. When someone starts caring about someone, that is love talking. Getting to know is a lifetime process. Being IN love is sharing that special feeling with somebody and would do anything just the make his/her other half happy. It might be shallow but that's how I see it.
It's just some topics I got in my mind.. I can't sleep thinking about it..
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- mental note... -
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Thursday, September 20, 2007
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he doesn't love you.... put that in your head! STOP IT! you're just hurting yourself..
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- crushin........... -
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Sunday, September 16, 2007
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Wow.. I was just reading my previous entries and that made me smile for a bit. And all my topics are all about men.. wow! But those men here are all part of the past.. Moving on..
Anyways, the dating scene is being blurry as of the moment. Well not really but right now I'm just talking to one person (shocking ain't it?). He has been my crush since I laid eyes on him on cam.. He is really cute and sexy.. We've been talking for months now (it's an on and off thing though). But this time we're making extra effort to get to know each other and that is the most blissful feeling ever. Imagine your crush giving you this kind of treatment. He can be an asshole though but there's just something about him that keeps me wanting him more and more. Maybe it's the way he treats me compared to the other ladies. That guy can be blunt and tell u straight up if he wants you or not. Yes, he is not the typical polite and gentleman guy that will sweep u off your feet and that makes him unique and I don't even know why I consider that as a good thing (and no I'm not desperate)....
Next month, we'll be meeting up. I'm excitedddddd! It's been on my mind since we planned on doing it. But as always, no expectations.. I'll just let it flow... I just can't stop giggling every time I think about him. I even go to his myspace page like non-stop everyday! Maybe half of his views there we're caused by me. I'm that addicted.. not good right? Oh, I know!
Guess that's it.. it's just wow!
Klassik LyDell Green
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- C.A.L.D. -
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Tuesday, July 31, 2007
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The main reason for this entry is because I'm troubled and I need some insights..
I've met this guy and we dated quite a few times and every single moment spent with him is just priceless. He said he loves me and I can see he's doing everything to prove it but I got this fear inside me that don't want to deal with love again. I am traumatized because of what happened in the past. I have invested all of me yet I didn't get the same respect I deserve. This time, he promised he's not going to be like that and I'm not sure if I should trust him or any men again. He is so good to be true and I'm thinking that I will be stupid enough to let him pass my life but I am so uncertain about my feelings..
I even told him I love him.. My heart says it but other parts of me don't. There's uncertainty and I hate it. I know I'm being unfair but what am I suppose to do?! Well I know the answer and that is to be true to myself but.... I cant even explain it.. Maybe I just love the attention.. Damn, I'm mean!
Anyhow, I just needed to vent out.. I hope he feels better by tom..
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